DDC Envelope Eviscerator

Draplin : Tre McCarthy stepped up to the plate and asked us for it. And we delivered. Just that simple.

Here’s what Tre wrote us:

“You should make letter openers. I need one, and can’t seem to find one that suits my tastes. -Tre”

Look no further, buddy. Yer letter opening needs are met with this little plastic bastard. Hell, we’ve been using the thing all week long to open our sad sap stream of bills. No more mangling. Works well in a pile of clutter on a desk. Opens pretty much every kind of envelope. Fun to hold. Works for both right and left-handers. Versatile. Proudly made right here in the U.S.A.

You ask. We make. That’s how shit goes with DDC merch.

Product Details :

01. Weird orange plastic. Durable as hell.
02. Proudly made in the U.S.A.
03. Sharp as shit. Says it right on it.
04. Our patented “Anti-Mangler Technology.”
05. Open a lifetime of envelopes. Big fun.
06. Facilitated out by our buddies at Brewery Outfitters.
07. Good for envelopes housing the following: fuckerface bills, big checks, junk mail, parole paperwork, eviction notices, credit card offers, birthday cards from well-meaning relatives, hate mail, death threats, delusional rants, casino offers and voting forms.